by Kay Vessey MSc., Master PRINT® Coach
It’s the most wonderful time of the year, goes the song – but at Christmas are you your most wonderful self?
Even the most fanciful festive film has at its heart one enduring truth: that the magic of the holidays comes with a sprinkling of friction. The stress of getting organised, last-minute panics, clashes of personality, and the mix of emotions this poignant time of year can bring … it’s almost a tradition in itself.
The secret is to learn how to keep a lid on the powder keg of conflict, and nurture that Christmas spirit promised by a heart-warming movie.
As a PRINT® coach and practitioner, I’m always fascinated to notice how much this insightful tool helps me understand what makes people tick. Whether we’re at work or at home, our Unconscious Motivators® are always in play. And how we choose to respond makes all the difference.
PRINT® constantly teaches me more about being human. And even better, it’s helped me to appreciate my nearest and dearest even more. Even those who insist on spending five hours honing the perfect roast potatoes, or the one who hauls the decs down from the loft and lobs them up as fast as possible.
Christmas always reminds me to dial up my patience levels, remember we’re all unique and different, and be mindful we’re not all motivated by the same things. With PRINT® in my back pocket, I can understand what’s behind other people’s antics – and consider my own behaviour to avoid driving them up the wall.
So how can you bring out your Best Self at Christmas?
Looking beneath the surface
The way we act and respond to the world around us is influenced by our Unconscious Motivators®. The things that meet our underlying needs – and help us avoid thwarting our fulfilment.
And they’re busy all the time, not just when we’re working.
PRINT® reveals three groups when it comes to our motivations: Do Its, Feel Its, and Think Its. We may have a few drivers from each group, and we might vary according to the situation we’re in.
So when it comes to Christmas and other holiday celebrations, what is your motivation? Are you a Feel It, driven by emotion and keen to feel good or appreciated when tackling Yuletide tasks? Perhaps you’re a Do It – someone who wants to get the job done quickly and efficiently, with a minimum of fuss. Or maybe you’re a Think It – eager to ensure every detail is perfect, from the meticulously arranged table settings to the precisely draped lights.
My family’s festive quirks encompass the full range. And I bet my last chocolate coin you’ll recognise some of these amongst your nearest and dearest this holiday season.
All in the planning
My mother-in-law is usually the first one to bandy the ‘C’ word about. As early as August (yes, you read that right) she’s straight out the blocks, and always the first to start her Christmas shopping. It’s all typically done and dusted, wrapped and ready to go before we can say ‘trick or treat’ – me, I can’t even contemplate present-buying until at least mid-December.
It’s no surprise she’s an absolute Do it! Those people who don’t waste any time. They take a practical approach to holiday prep, ticking each task off their checklist (which is almost certainly on either an app or a clipboard). When they set the table for dinner, they focus on getting everything in the right place as fast as possible. When they choose a tree, they’re not averse to a pre-lit one for maximum efficiency. And whatever your tastes in the summer, they’d better still apply in December, because your present was bought in August!
The art of the individual
My daughter insists she’s the only one who can decorate the tree. It has to be special and different. Creative and imaginative. And usually adorned with a unique, homemade ornament at the top of the tree. Nothing standard or samey will pass her tree test – and you can bet it creates an atmosphere that really brings alive the magic of the season.
And that’s quite normal for a Feel It. Driven by emotions, they want to feel the warmth and joy that come with the holidays. The dinner table settings will show that their eyes are on the colour scheme, the candles, and the overall ambience. When they decorate the tree, it’s either cosy and inviting, or creative and eye-catching – or a mash-up of the two. They’re all about beauty, imagination, wonder and the warm and tingly feelings that festive gatherings can bring.
The patience for perfection
While the decorations are taking shape, you’ll find my husband closing off weeks of research into the ultimate roast potato. The perfect colour and texture. The ideal variety of potato. The optimum oven temperature. The precise roasting time – down to the second. This annual ritual has now developed into a regular ‘potato-off’ with like-minded spud-heads who share photos of their taties on social media for others to judge.
It all seems like unnecessary pressure to me, but for Think Its like my husband, a methodical, detailed approach is the key to fulfilment. They need everything to be just right, and don’t mind taking the time to make sure it is. Setting the table, they’ll spot if a spoon is at the wrong angle or the seating plan needs adjustment. When they put up lights, don’t expect it to be quick – but rest assured it’ll be a precisely balanced display.
How to ward off Christmas conflict
Having a variety of motivations at play during a shared celebration sounds like a recipe for a major clash. Understanding what drives people, though, can help to smooth over the differences and enjoy the diversity in any gathering. That’s particularly important when it comes to group activities – games, watching films, or clearing up after the feast.
My best friend Louise, for example, has one mission and one mission only on Christmas Day – to win any game we play. One year she played Bop It! on her own for an hour until she reached the high (and never to be beaten) score. That robotic voice saying ‘twist it … pull it … bop it’ over and over again will haunt me forever. In the end I took the batteries out.
If you can think of someone like that, there’s a chance they’re a Do it. Competitive and confident, they’re full of energy and enthusiasm – and once they set their mind on a goal, they’ll really go for it.
I might have stopped Louise’s fun by removing the source of the noise, but it was the kind of directness that a Do It appreciates. They like a no-nonsense approach, but it’s vital to keep things positive – maybe by suggesting an alternative game that they can also feel excited about winning (but perhaps more quietly). Match the pace and vigour of a Do It, and you’ve a happy and dynamic companion.
Fostering feel-good festivities
When the celebrations are at our house, I love making sure everyone has a good time. Congregating for a great conversation is my idea of bliss. Listening and learning and sharing my own stories and thoughts – the joy of a good natter is in getting to the heart of people. And once everyone’s relaxed, I’ll coax them into a good old-fashioned singalong – how about a rousing rendition of Mull of Kintyre, accompanied by kazoos instead of bagpipes?
This is how a Feel It loves to party. Human contact, unleashing emotions, nurturing an atmosphere of joy. They wear their hearts on their sleeves, and they’re attuned to how others are feeling too.
If impromptu karaoke or soul-bearing chats are not your thing, let the Feel It know gently. Listen to the ideas, and don’t pooh-pooh them – just be honest and open about your own tastes. Perhaps you could find a way to put the Feel It in the spotlight so you can sit back, relax and enjoy the lively, warm atmosphere they’ve created!
Who has a dishwashing strategy?
The Think Its, that’s who. In our house, Uncle Barry and Aunty Jean help out by loading the dishwasher. This usually gets us googling local marriage guidance counsellors as they squabble over the right and wrong way to stack the plates and the dos and don’ts of prewashing cutlery. Aunty Jean usually concedes and leaves Uncle Barry to reload the dishwasher (multiple times) to its optimum efficiency while she calms her nerves with a sweet sherry.
Think Its like Barry leave nothing to chance – even the freedom of a spray arm to do its thing. They might keep their thoughts to themselves, but you can bet they’re all about a rational and systematic approach to whatever they’re doing.
In some settings, this can frustrate others (like Jean), so the key is to give the Think It time to scrutinise the details of a task. If there’s a way they can improve their approach, make your reasons precise and backed with facts – they respond better when they can see the data behind an argument.
Unconscious Motivators® are for life – not just for Christmas
If PRINT® can help keep holiday gatherings running smoothly, imagine how powerful it can be in the workplace! Getting under the skin of why we all behave and respond the way we do can be life changing. It’s a revelation that can enhance every interaction with others – and help us all bring out our Best Self.
If you’re curious about unwrapping the secrets to what motivates and drives you, drop us a line at hello@discoveryourprint.co.uk or check out some of our case studies.